"An ED doctors interaction and its impact"

My spouse has had stage 4 bowel cancer diagnosis since 2018. In 2022, 2 years ago we were post a thoracic surgery to remove a suspicious adrenal gland by about 7 weeks. My spouse became ill (unrelated) and we presented to Royal Darwin Hospital (RDH). They completed a chest x-ray. The Doctor said there was a suspicious shadow, possible fluid in one part. I said this was because of the minor op my spouse had, I recall the doctor said no that is not it at all as it’s been too long post op. The doctor indicated to me with what I interpreted as pity, is that this is stage 4 and likely new metastasis. Their facial expression, body language and tone was that my spouse had not long left to live. I can’t recall wording given time since but this is how it landed. I was in shock as at that time we continued to have a team that were positive and chasing a cure which at this day can be achievable in *some stage 4 fighters. Each case is unique and shouldn’t be lumped into the same category.

Post this trip to ED, my spouse’s oncologist confirmed no concerns with the scans as it was related to the thoracic procedure. Even a bit later still, the cardiothoracic surgeon at the time also indicated the adrenal gland removed was ‘benign’ (once pathology results were in)

The doctor in ED made me feel extreme stress and sadness unnecessarily. They did not know the full story, was dismissive of our understanding of the situation based on the doctors that were actively involved on the team. They made assumptions on a brief meeting and review of my spouse’s case history. I also felt alone in the experience as my spouse was asleep at the time (pain medication) so missed the whole interaction. I didn’t want to stress them with what the doctor conveyed. But my spouse knew I was upset though. I didn’t have the cognitive ability and composure to communicate this with the doctor. I was recently made aware of this portal for sharing stories and this one immediately came to mind. I feel for the doctors and nurses as they have a tough job and we have had many wonderful experiences I hope to share too. I just don’t want other cancer patients, their carers and families to have the same response when presenting to urgent care. Unless they are certain from involved doctors who know the patients case. And in the case it is closer to terminal situation, they should convey compassion and not pity.