"Midwife Group Practice"

My GP placed me in the care of a Midwife Group Practice team at King Edward Memorial Hospital for the duration of my pregnancy. I was seen by the same midwife at every appointment. This enabled me to develop trust with the midwife and have continuous conversations about my pregnancy journey and what I would like out of a birth experience. 

At 10 days past my due date, I consented to a vaginal exam performed by my midwife so that we could ascertain if my cervix was opening. I was told by my midwife that vaginal exams were uncomfortable but not painful, yet I found this experience to be extremely painful, and it went on for much longer than I thought it would. I felt like the midwife was bruising my cervix as it seemed she was pushing extremely hard and was, I feel, very rough and forceful with such a tender and delicate part of my body. This experience made me fearful and hesitant to have more vaginal exams during my labour. In hindsight, I feel that this experience was not necessary and caused me considerable physical and emotional distress. I also believe the midwife did not communicate their findings effectively, simply saying something like they can't feel anything. As such, I did not learn anything from the experience.

When I went into labour, my midwife was not working, and they did not accompany me during any stage of my labour or childbirth. Instead, I had about 4 different midwives who I had never met before as they started and finished shifts with me. The next time I saw my midwife that I was under the care of, was the day after the birth of my baby when they came with a student midwife to check up on me. I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I don't even remember the conversation we had about my birth experience, but it was brief and general in nature.

My midwife then came to my home address once after I had been released from hospital to check on me and my baby. Again, I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I didn't have the inclination to tell them about how I felt during the vaginal exam they had performed on me days earlier. I also rationalised that they were just doing their job and that I shouldn't blame them. Yet, I feel compelled to mention it here as it was something that caused me considerable pain both during and after the exam.

My relationship with my vagina has changed dramatically since the birth of my baby. I cannot imagine consenting to another vaginal exam, and the thought of having a pap smear causes me distress. I don't want anyone to go near my vagina for a while. I have been basically told by my GP and physio that I need to get over this fear, so I don't feel that medical professionals really understand or accept my hesitancy.